I remember a time when all I wanted for “any” day it happened to be, was for it to be over with already. Simply so I could say I made it through.
Because… well… I was struggling with wanting to make it through.
I didn’t think I was worth it. Obviously something far greater than me thought I was, but me, I didn’t believe that far greater thing.
So the choices I made were choices that would help me make it through “that” day until I could go to sleep. At night. Sometimes. Really at the first opportunity day or night.
Sleep made everything okay. No, not okay. Sleep had this magical ability to make me forget that I didn’t really want to be alive or to thrive or have hopes and go after my desires.
Thinking about that now, I can feel the tug of that hopelessness, the desire to be numb, wanting to draw me back. Like it misses me or maybe like I miss it.
I’m not sure it’s really ever going to disappear.
What is happening is the spaces between those feelings grows longer and longer still. It’s in those spaces that living, and building a life worth loving happens.
Don’t get me wrong, all life lived is worth loving. Yet some life lived isn’t easy to love. And it only gets harder when the days end with regrets, numbness, shame, anger, blame or anything else which makes us feel powerless.
A practice of awareness around the physical, emotional, intellectual and even situational occurrences that trigger us helps.
But getting this* gives me the best opportunity to mostly keep enjoying the journey of building a life I love between waking and falling asleep.
Sleep is now my restorative for instead of a respite from life.
Better sleep helps me want better days. And it’s helping me build more to love about my days.
Do I still have work to do? Oh yes. This woman’s work won’t be done soon (I hope).
If you are using sleep like I used to use it, to hide from the day that was, it might be time to start asking …
What do you REALLY want from tomorrow?
So your reasons for it to just be over are no longer valid.
Plus, if you aren’t getting good sleep in the first place, you’re just making it tougher on yourself.
Experiment and see if better sleep helps you have better days*.
Minna “filling in the spaces” LaShae
P.S. It took me more than three years to piece together much of what you’ll find in 28 days of using The Sleep Solution*. I highly recommend 28 days versus 1,095 or more days.
P.S.S. The Worry Less Live More project is coming. Soon.
* In this case, none of the links above are affiliate links. Everyone deserves better sleep. I took part in the Fantastic Sleep group and know first hand the benefits of better sleep. That's all I want for you as well.